Who is your google?

I am a human google. Okay not really, but I swear to my family (and a few friends) I am their google. I have had several phone calls in the last twenty four hours that are quite random. First it was my little sister late afternoon yesterday calling me frantically wondering if it was our older sister's birthday. She had the right day, but hers is in October, not August. I informed her our brother has his birthday on the 23rd as well as our grandpa and our cousin is the 21st...and come to think of it it's our brother-in-laws on the 21st as well, but I had not remembered that at that moment.
I got a phone call from my brother today (conveniently while I was sitting at the doctor's office and the doctor had just walked in) and he wanted to know if I knew where a walgreens was. I told him of the one by mom's house, but I didn't know of another one other than that but that he could text google and find out.
This was my favorite one of the day: my mother called me and asked me if I knew if she had my littlest brother on her taxes. I did not keep tabs on her taxes this year (which I have in previous years due to filling out the fafsa...note the fafsa was not for me but rather for other siblings). She was quite confused because she was fairly sure I had helped both of my little sisters fill out the fafsa--which I'd done previous years, but this year I made them learn how to do it on their own.
I get phone calls like this on a consistent basis from my family members. I suppose it is because I have an interesting set of skills. To give you an idea of my set of skills I figured I'd list them and in no particular order:

• math
• computers
• filling out the fafsa (yeah I know...I've done it for me 4 times my other sister twice, my brother at least once and probably more like 3 times, and another sister once and I assisted a friend)
• troubleshooting internet
• getting my way at call centers
• finding dr offices
• medicines
• problem solving (they will vouch for me on this one)
• being near the internet 99% of the time
• finding and applying for applicable jobs for an individual
  

While I don't think any of those are astounding traits to have it does me that I get called upon frequently. I've had a plethora of unusual phone calls happen out of this.

• My dad called me one evening and said his internet wasn't working. I told him to unplug the modem and the router and turn his computer off. Then I told him to plug the modem in first and then the router and then turn the computer back on. He scoffed "this is what tech support has come to these days? Unplugging and plugging back in?" I simply said "Try and call me back if it doesn't work." I never received a phone call.
• My older sister called me and asked me how to get to her house from the city I lived in. (In her defense she only came from the north direction and I came from the south and she was fairly new to her home).
• My mother calls me quite frequently to ask me about cords and where they go and what device they go in. To assist her in her cord usage she has labeled plastic bags saying "camera cords" and other such things. She does now know what a usb end of a cord looks like which is leaps and bounds above where she used to be.
• My mother often calls wondering how to do simple tasks on the computer. My favorite was when she wrote a talk for church in her email so she could send it to my brother who lived far away and her email program timed out and when she hit send it gave an error. She called me frantically wondering how to get her talk back. The next time I went home I made an icon on her desktop for word so she could find it the next time she went to do that (she had told me that it wasn't there anymore).
• I get called frequently to interpret what in the world financial aid is trying to tell my sisters. Usually this entails a three way phone call with the most despised office on campus since they are so inept at doing anything except for screwing over whoever's financial aid life we are applying for at that point. And in the case of screwing things up, they should win an award. The three way call starts off on hold of course and then I explain the problem, introduce my sibling who then gives permission for me to know about their financial life and then they are silent while I hold back as much as possible on reaming the poor student who is employed there for whatever egregious mistake has been made this time. (And yes you do sense hostility).
• I get called to frequently look up items online when various family members are out and about and need to know something pertinent to their life right then and there.
  
• My sister texted me late one night and asked me what other medicine she could take with lortab. (mind you it was prescribed and no she is not addicted).
  
• I get called all the time to find out where stores are located or how to get to varying places.
  
• My parents often call me to find out where my siblings are. I'm not sure why they think that I will know their whereabouts frequently but it happens.
• My mom called me the other day to see if I knew if there was a way to find out who the owner was of an iphone based off the serial number. She was at the lost and found and was attempting to return it to the rightful owner.

I have my own google resource...Kenn (well and the real google). It's usually for computer questions above my knowledge level, webpage questions and car questions. He manages to answer the majority of my questions about as quick as google as well. I have a few others for varying other particular sets of knowledge and I'm quite grateful for Kenn in particular and all my other human googles I turn to when my knowledge is tapped.

So I ask you...who is your human google and what kinds of questions have you asked them? Maybe you should let them know how much you appreciate their google like capabilities. And for Kenn...I'm quite indebted to you for your google knowledge you have so graciously bestowed in my life.

The stupidity of the human race...

I have unfortunately been sick for two weeks now. I've been to the doctor, got my medicine, started and finished the course of medicine and still am exhausted by anything I do during they day including walking up my stairs. It's tragic really. I'm debating about going to the doctor and being like...umm...it didn't work and if it's a virus it should be over and done with now...so now what. I called my favorite doctor this morning (who is actually a physician's assist but whatever) and scheduled my appointment. I was on hold waiting to talk to the next available secretary to book my appointment (apparently so are many other people at 8:15 on Monday morning) and I hear the familiar hold warning:

"If this is an emergency, please hang up and dial 911."

Really? Honestly people? Do we really need to know that? Isn't that something you learn when you are five or younger? Even little rascals pokes fun at knowing 911 when they exclaim "quick what' the number for 911?" Do adults calling for a doctor's appointment really need to know that? One would think not, but apparently experience has told the doctor's offices differently.

I've realized that as a general rule that human beings are full of stupidity. This stupidity becomes apparent in the many signs I've seen posted in various locations to help people prevent their stupidity or in most cases an attempt of a highly irritated individual to forgo stupid questions and speed up the process of their job which often fails. In which case, I would only assume that stupid people then become the topic of conversation between co-workers and become the moment of humor due to complete lack of any brain activity.

I have started to mentally watch for these notices of human stupidity as I wander around doing whatever it is I'm doing. Among my findings are:

• The large purple sign in a parking garage to remind you that you should mentally make a note of where you parked so you can once again locate your car rapidly.
• The multiple signs hanging from the ceiling at the financial aid center at my university reminding students that they can apply for their loan online by filling out the fafsa.
• The sign on the front door of my local ihop telling me that their coupons are honored as it is written (to which I respond....uhh...aren't all coupons that way? Do people really try and pull off something where they bring in a coupon for another company or sit and bargain what their coupon should be for?)
• When you call into any company that has a waiting queue and they voice tells you that you can find most of your answers on the website by going to www.doyoureallyneedtoknowcausegoogleexits.com

My personal favorite of this notices is with the debit/credit card machines. Granted there are several different versions of them, but it still should not be so difficult to work a machine that probably has a total of 14 buttons--give or take some depending on the version at each store. At one store, which sadly enough I believe was a pharmacy, on the debit/credit card machine there was the button that said yes. Emphasizing this functionality of the button, there were three or four yellow taped arrows pointing to the apparently "difficult" yes button to find with pen engraving the tape saying "yes". We are supposed to be in the age of technology. And here we have a relatively simplistic machine with very few capabilities and very few user input buttons, yet one of the buttons still needs this mass attention grabbing scheme to allow customers to find the button so they can say yes the amount that they are being charged is fine. It cracks me up and every time I purchased there I chuckled to myself as I thought of the poor clerk who was irritated with the lack of sound individuals purchasing their products. My favorite is when the cashier realizes that the customer is lacking in skills and often awkwardly finagles their hand to blindly find the yes button from behind their station and push the button for the customer. Next time you are at the store notice if there has been enough stupid customers to warrant such labeling on that debit/credit machine.


I wish I could remember more that have made me laugh throughout the years, but currently my mind is running a blank. But watch for them. It will definitely add a little spice to your life.

The things that come with being sick...

I'm laying in my bed sick again. It's summer...can't I catch a break? The highly irritating thing is I was just sick three weeks ago. Twice in one summer is less than inviting. My levels of productivity have gone out the window. I was happy to get my dishwasher loaded and unloaded.

I have become accustomed to being sick throughout the years. My immune system is apparently not that great, and I end up with weird things that intrigue or boggle doctors. However, among all the random sicknesses and intriguing things that have happened to me I have learned that good doctors and a good nurses are equivalent to tapping into a gold mine.

Nurses can pull off amazing things. They can get you in to see a specialist sooner--which you wouldn't think would be a big deal but oh it is, they can get you into the doctor sooner, they can sometimes pull off talking to the doctor and getting a prescription without you going in again or sometimes at all (that's usually when someone you live with has strep and then you start feeling sick). The things they pull off amaze me. But only if they are good. The stupid ones don't return your phone call, never offer to call the specialist and see if they can get you in sooner, just tell you they can't tell you anything over the phone and always come into the doctor, give you massive bruises when taking (mind you I'm not giving) blood...or worse yet they just miss and move the needle around in your arm--don't worry, it's a metal object in my body being shoved through parts that weren't supposed to have it shoved there--I'm sure I'll get over it.

As lame as this will sound I love my doctors, well only the good ones, and I have no qualms going to see them again and again...well maybe the gyno. I'm particular with my doctors. They need to have good bedside manners, which you wouldn't think would be the most difficult of tasks, but you'd be surprised by how many doctors will treat you like a chart number. I am not a number and if I'm going to be in and out of your office you better never treat me like just another chart. One doctor never looked at me and was typing on the computer notes about what I was saying until I said that I had had some suicidal thoughts and then turned and told me that I could call him if I ever needed anything. Why in the world did he think for any moment that I would in my lowest of moments call someone who never looked me in the eyes? Really? What did they forget to teach you about human interaction in medical school? Did you forget in your eight years or so of schooling that we are not a textbook? Hello?

The other kinds of doctors that drive me nuts are the ones who won't believe me. As I said I've been sick many times and it's just become something I live with. One year I got sick Oct, Nov, Dec Jan and March. Thus the pickiness with doctors. I know what usually happens to my body when I get sick. It starts out viral--or so that's what they'll tell me, then it goes into my chest, makes my asthma bad very slowly and then turns into a bacteria. The frustrating thing is this is what happens 98% of the time (and probably no exaggeration on that). But in order for the doctor to believe me I have to wait until my asthma is bad enough that they will give me the medicine I need to breathe which is usually accompanied by anti-biotics at that point in time. When I tell doctors that the asthma won't get better by itself they rarely believe me and come back with "your lungs sound fine there is no wheezing". Well thank you but I'll call you in a few days when I can't breathe. And call I do. Those equal dumb doctors. You can read all about me on my chart, but you usually only have from when I came to your office and past. What about the plethora of years and multiple other specialists I've seen that you have no idea about but I do? I'm not stupid. Trust me. Those are the doctors I ditch and don't go back to. And for all I care all of you who get sick once a year can land those appointments and I'll take the appointments of the good doctors.

I have plenty of good doctors that I love: my pulmenologist, my nureologist, my chiro, my rehab dr (that sounds bad but it was after a car accident), occupational therapist and several PA's (physician's assistant): Todd and Anna to be specific. I have several other doctors that I love as well that I'm sure I could list if it wasn't late and I was feeling better but those are my top favorites. I suppose it appears sad that I know that many varying doctors, but nonetheless I come full of good recommendations if you ever need one by where I live.

I will tell you that there was a time in my life when I was seeing multiple doctors for varying reasons who were all located in the same wing of the hospital. I was in and out of that place for a good amount of time. About a year after my visits had been scarce I went back for a checkup from one of the doctors. It was amid finals week and I was studying with a friend for a brutal final. As we were in the middle of being really productive and scared of failing I told her she could come with me to my doctors appointment and then when they came in it'd be like a ten min wait and then we could continue studying before the visit and then finish up studying afterwards. She came with me to the hospital and I we sat in the lounge of the doctor's office there were several nurses and several doctors that came by and saw me and all said hello and asked how I was doing. I think there was four at least and maybe another one that I can't entirely remember. I could see the look on her face when several of the staff and dr's remembered me by name and asked about my well being. She was obviously a little shocked about the amount in one area and their ability to remember after it being so long. But nonetheless it goes to show what a difference good doctors can make. It is frustrating when doctors don't realize what you are going through and treat you as a number. I read in a magazine that one of the top med schools was starting to have their residents follow a particular patient around and see what it was like to attend multiple doctor appointments from several different specialists. I'm all for that.

Have them get an idea of the wait time in the waiting room, dealing with the poking and the proding, the insane amount of questions sometimes, the looks of disbelief, the looks of I haven't the slightest idea what's wrong with you so let's try this...or I've even had a massive medical book pulled out and thumbed through in my presence. They should also get a feel for having to wait in the room where you are going to see the doctor and stare at the charts of the human bones, or the human heart, or all the ways things can go wrong with your lungs, or this that or the other while waiting for them to be done with the ones ahead of you. Not to mention if you ever have to put a gown on it's like they think it takes you as long to get a gown on as it does to get ready in the morning. I'm not showering, washing my hair, blow drying it, curling it and then tying the ties on the gown. Seriously, give me three min. maybe five for those who are older or lacking in motor abilities and then you can come back. I realize they use it as a tool to make you think they are coming or that there is some progress on your visit while they run off to fit another 10-15 min session with another patient but I already did my waiting--twice in fact. Once in the waiting room and then once after the nurse put me in this room and said "(s)he'll be right with you" which is almost always a lie. Then maybe when the resident is on the other side and being the doctor they will remember what it's like to be a patient. Maybe just maybe.

I suppose my rant should be over seeing as my eyes are starting to hurt, my headache is coming back and the pure exhaustion of being sick is starting to come. I didn't even get to the part of pharmacies. I suppose that will have to be saved for another day. I will however leave you with a picture of one of the reasons why I hate being sick. I took a picture of the medicines I've taken today. This does not include the anti-biotic which was haphazardly not filled today at the pharmacy. It is just sometimes irritating to take the medicines. This one with medicine, this one at morning and night, this one with food but don't eat grapefruit (one seriously said that), this one make sure you wash your mouth out afterwards or you could get a yeast infection in your mouth (that just brings a horrible horrible picture to mind). So I've taken all the medicines for the day, let's hope anyways, and now I am off to bed.