Rite of passage...

I was watching "Mental" the other night and the particular episode was about a girl who tried to commit suicide and through some investigation while she was being held at the hospital found out that she was really a boy whom during circumcision there was an accident and some psycho psychologist decided to have the parents bring him up as a her. Weird! But when she found this out they her go through a "rite of passage" and chose objects she had grown up with and burn those that she didn't feel like described her and keep the ones she thought did. This helped her to see more of who she was and get rid of the past and live with the present. This got me thinking about rites of passages and if I had any in my life. And there isn't one really, but there is this hidden rite of passage if you will that frankly bothers me. It's partially a religious one and probably much of a cultural one. The rite of passage is marriage. Now how in the world am I to know about a rite of passage I have yet to participate in by myself? Well I shall tell you.

I am 27 and still living single. I have a house that I and the bank own and I have for two years now. I have a job that I've held down for a full three and a half years that is a career if I chose to keep it as a career. I pay my bills, I have my own services and for most things I have broken free of my parents. However I have apparently missed the moving into adult social activities because of my lack of a significant other.

This is made fully aware to me at all family parties. They usually have some gathering with everyone, all cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents-- which is a lot of people on both sides of my family. Typically there is "adult dinner" or something adult that generally speaking includes food. However, what they really mean is "adult who is been married, has been married or has someone that's close enough to be married to that you are by all means invited as well" and does not include single individuals who live adult lives but are lacking and have always lacked a significant other.

This is where the rite of passage comes to play. Apparently, in order to participate in "adult" social activities I have to be married...or pretty dang close to it...which I'm not. I was quite offended. At first I thought when I was younger that it was just because I was 18-21. But now I'm past 21 and even the law calls me an adult and even gives me the option to drink...but I am not adult enough to be invited to the "adult dinners". My parents both have defended their families for lack of inviting but after I've increased in age and surpassed the age where my sister was married and invited to the "adult" social occasions I came to my own conclusion about their lack of inviting.

I'm sure some of you are defending my parents families but you should stop. There is no reason not to invite me. I can see if it were some couple activity...like lets say dancing or something that really requires two people that I can see why an invite would not be extended. However it's not. It's usually dinner. There is nothing wrong with me joining a dinner with my extended family without some other significant person attached to my side. If I had any qualms with me being single and by myself I could kindly decline the invitation but I don't and the invitation should have been extended.

My parents have tried to explain the lack of inviting me is because they say it's a brother and sister kind of gathering with their husbands and wives. Which also would be a fine reason not to invite me, but then you can't invite my older sister to come and participate with her husband without giving me reason to be offended or think that there is something wrong with me just because I'm not married yet. It's lame. Really it is. The other thing they try to tell me is that it's a couple thing...which is half understandable, but then there is usually someone there who is without spouse but has previously had one, or who is lacking the attendance of their significant other which means it's not really a couples thing and still brings the previous offenses back to the surface.

I apparently had talked about this enough to my sister that my brother-in-law decided they weren't going to go to an adult dinner unless I was invited. I got the invite to go to the adult dinner and I wasn't married, hadn't been married and wasn't even dating someone and therefore not even close to marriage. It was a shocking moment for sure. I was enjoying my time until everyone started to give me a hard time about if I was enjoying talking about "adult" things or if I was bored by the "adult" talk and other such things. This was just as irritating as not being invited. It was as if they took a pity case on inviting me because I haven't had this rite of passage into adulthood by getting married and there was no way that I could find any adult conversation intriguing or follow it. I can't decide what the lower blow is: not being invited or being invited and mocked.

I suppose I'm here to say that people should broaden their horizons...and maybe I'm really just talking to the culture that I live in which is deeply rooted religiously and heavily focuses on marriage and say you should change your views of "adult" to include those who have lives and aren't married and when you do to not mock their way of living or their level of intelligence.
"My first adult dinner"